Mentoring and Interpersonal communication | Randy Cooper

What is preferred way to influence people other than public speaking? TM Randy mentioned that it can be done through interpersonal communication and mentoring. "In Toastmasters, learning a person's goals is important.  It is also a big issue when working with club and district leaders.  There is a lot of mentoring and support, especially at the top levels of district leadership." I think, mentoring is one core and inseparable component in the Toastmasters education program which not only allows better learning, but also helps create the right influence.

Whenever there are influences that overlap, Randy specified, "We should find the common ground and work from there. When a club struggles, there are differing solutions to how to fix it.  However, when each side realizes that the other side has the same goal in mind, they can work through their differences."

Interpersonal communication is the most effective way to create influence

Randy concluded on a spotlight note saying "While public speaking is a great way to influence people, interpersonal communication is the most effective way to do so.  Knowing people and trusting them goes a long way to influencing each other."

I think in just a single conversation that I had with Randy regarding 'influence', I have had a supermassive learning. I learnt that interpersonal communication and mentoring are effective ways of influencing people and working towards same goal keeping aside the differences helps resolve influence overlaps.

About Randy:

From Alabama, USA, Randy Cooper, DTM is a Toastmaster dedicated to members. He is a Past District 77 Director and extremely active on International forums. TM Randy is also a Pathways enthusiast, his impressive analytical skills have bought a lot of knowledge to the international online forums.

The influence story #1 | Karen Knight

I was terrified to speak to more than three people. My colleague that time lit up when I asked about all the ribbons and the picture frame on her wall. She told me it was from Toastmasters and all about it.

I fell off, I was down and I scrambled

It was around St Patrick's day, the theme was Ireland when I visited a club for the very first time near my home and the Table Topic I got was 'Irish Music'. I was excited, I could talk all about it. I could talk about the Chieftans, and all the other bands; when on stage, all I could see were eyes. Thousands and thousands and thousands of eyes. There were 15 people and my throat closed up, I got a massive big knot in my stomach and my legs started to shake and I was shaking so bad that I literally fell off my high heeled shoes. I was down and I scrambled my feet, I mumbled out something. To this day, I have no idea what it was and I went back to my seat. I had decided that I will never put myself through this ever again. This is not worth it.

Most clubs in Canada evaluate Table Topics. The table topics evaluator came forward and spoke about everyone and then she said, "Karen, I want to congratulate you on your courage and getting up. It was obvious from the words you spoke, you had the knowledge and passion for Irish music." I thought, yeah, that's really true. "Next time you come out, take a few really deep breaths and that will help calm your nerves and stop some of the shaking. Let's congratulate her, she stayed up there for almost two full minutes most people would have run from the room so well done!" and she went on evaluating further.

I stayed, because she influenced me

I was sitting there thinking how could anyone find three honest good things about this speech where I fell down and that's when I decided, OK, I belong here. I have something to learn here. That was 23 years ago.

I remember clearly, her name was Holly Fredrickson. I can picture her, she had red hair and a long green dress. If she hadn't said that or if she had done some sort of whitewash or whatever, I wouldn't have stayed and I wouldn't have come back. She is the reason I am in Toastmasters. I stayed because she influenced me.

- Karen

About Karen:

Karen Knight, DTM is a Past District Director - District 21 (Canada) and an avid Toastmaster since 1995. She has recently received her second DTM title and has finished the Competent Communicators manual at least 10 times. She is extremely amiable and a fantastic storyteller. She told me lots of stories about different influences. I thank her and take this opportunity to publish these stories through this blog.

Soul departs, influence stays | Remembering Leo

I remember it was an audience of mere 12-15 members at a corporate club where I used to be a member. The then District Parliamentarian (later Club Growth Director and Program Quality Director) TM Leo, without slightest hesitation had delivered an educational session on "Goal setting". Although only a few present, everyone was infused with knowledge that was required.

In terms of membership, our club was one of the weakest in the Division at the time. Even today, if I recollect the regular visits he made to our club and the kind of impact he made to help us keep going - changed the way we thought. His passion towards contributing in Toastmasters was unwavering, influence immeasurable and energy unmatched.

At every training, educational session, contest or club meeting that we attended, TM Leo ensured that we were enriched with knowledge and that the seeds of success were planted.

Result of a tragic car accident, DTM Leo Paulose - Program Quality Director - District 98 (2018 - 19) is no longer with us.

Today, as we try to recover from the loss of the Toastmasters community, we seek to take Leo's vision forward. Because we are influenced, in one way or other. We are impacted. We are doubling our efforts to paint the dream envisioned. Because we are Toastmasters.

"A great man is one who leaves others at a loss after he is gone."

- Paul Valery

Focus on the similarities, ignore the differences

Influence is such a vast topic to cover. To get a perspective about the same outside Toastmasters, I spoke to a leader within an organization. I spoke to a senior management executive who works at SAP SE, and he had very interesting insights to share. "I believe that influence is all about helping people believe the ultimate benefit. It is not about you, but about those who realize the ultimate goal and believe in you. People have to buy in themselves." It is important for everyone to be working on a same objective.

Ignore the differences, focus on similarities.

In terms when speaking about influence, it is important to understand how to resolve conflicts that rise through different styles. We couldn't skip an important point during our discussion which was about the solution to such conflicts. "I think you need to find a middle ground. Whenever there are disagreements between two people, they could be from your team or reporting to you, you should focus on the similarities and not differences. Ignore the differences, focus on similarities." he mentioned. I hadn't realized that such a simple, subtle but effective way existed to tackle conflicts.

Leadership is not about creating influence. It is about inspiring people.

However, we came to a conclusion that influence is not the highest thing. "Leadership is not about creating influence. It is about inspiring people. You don't need to be a manager to be a leader. You inspire people with your actions and that's it!" he said.

One key takeaway for me would be that whenever there are conflicts, focus on similarities and ignore the differences.

About the interviewee:

The person interviewed who preferred to stay anonymous, is a key management person at SAP SE who has several global teams reporting to him and looks after an extremely critical business unit at the organization. He has extensive experience in managing global teams at different capacities.